As musicians, we come into contact with A LOT of different personalities. Whether it’s other musicians themselves, venue owners, media, fans, etc., everyone has their own spice that they bring to the mix. Inevitably, we’re going to run into people who rub us the wrong way. These antagonists may not be doing it on purpose or even conscious of their negative “attitude”. It’s important as musicians (and as good people) to always treat people with respect, regardless of one’s own personal view of self worth or how one might feel about another person. Remember that those you meet on the way up are the same people you may meet on the way down. I had a recent experience that I thought I would share as it provided a good tutorial of: 1) what not to do and 2) how to deal with it, respectfully.

Often in the music business one will face the issue of personnel. Even the good players, the guys and girls you like as regulars will have a conflict and occasionally send you looking for subs. Generally, this isn’t too big of a deal and the gig can always be rescheduled. However, there is a good chance at some point in the future you will come into contact with a sub musician who you don’t know very well. While this isn’t a deal killer on its own, I advise extra caution in hiring newbies, even if they can play. A bad sub can and will create problems–not just dealing with them from an interpersonal standpoint but at the potential future gig and beyond. Keep that in mind and make sure to perform good due diligence.

In my particular case, the potential drummer I was looking to hire violated just about every code of conduct that I have. Not only was I receiving too much information–and information that was irrelevant to the job–I was having to suffer through childlike antics, bad jokes and just plain immature, disrespectful behavior. He was equivocating daily as to whether he could do the job, complaining about the wage and adding an unnecessary pretentiousness to the dialogue that was offensive. And he wouldn’t stop texting me!! WTF? Was there a reason this guy could not show any RESPECT??

For most of us, the automatic behavior that this type of situation enables is to get defensive. “Don’t you know who I am?” type of thoughts. The incentive to start replying with one’s particular C.V. and legitimacy is heightened. Even calling out the other guy for having a lack of notable experience or career is not uncommon. Some cats will just flat out say “Fuck You” and get rid of a sub like this. In short, one starts to take on the bad attitude being conveyed by the sub and then retaliate. But what if you run into them again or need something from them? Then what? Imo, it’s best not to start any unnecessary conflicts.

On the other hand, often I think some of us musicians try too hard to make a situation work where we should have just said, “No Thank You” and moved on. We’re “too nice” and put up with bad behavior to simply get out of a jam and/or make a situation work. However in most of these cases, you end up with a barrel of monkeys that really could have easily been avoided. There is real potential that a sub (who you don’t know very well) can end up damaging a good relationship with an existing venue just because they’re a total goon. They could also create drama with your regular band mates. Or they just might not show up! People are strange to begin with. Is one gig worth this kind of head trauma? No.

So here’s the deal. First, as a band leader, here are things that can be done at the onset of the meeting/conversation that will help weed out the weirdos and ultimately find the right sub for the job:

–Be clear in your ask. What are the hours, pay, location, material etc.?

–Have a set of rules for dialogue. There is no need to be besties (at least yet). This is just a job and you are looking for a professional player to fill in. Be weary if/when the conversation starts to stray from the germane aspects of the gig. Avoid querying unnecessary information and subs who are overly friendly and/or act unprofessional.

–Get audio and video samples that are recent. No, those “I recorded this at home” videos aren’t legitimate.

–Ask questions! When is the last time they performed? Who did they perform with? Where? What was the wage? What type of equipment will they bring? Do they have reliable transportation?

–Do not tolerate attitude. Remember you are the person doing the hiring, not the other way around. You are the person providing the wage. The sub is in a beneficiary position; as such they either want the job or not. If they’re giving you attitude from the get go, there is a good chance this will continue into the performance. Remove people like this from your sub list immediately.

–Subs should get ONE strike and that’s it. If they show up late and have a good reason, consider it. Keep in mind though that they will likely show up late EVERY TIME. Every player will miss a form here and there, but subs who clearly haven’t done their homework should not be invited back. These folks are typically lazy hacks and don’t “get it”. Remember that they are representing YOU while on stage and it’s just not worth it to have a bad sub color your reputation. Any sub that disrespects the venue or takes overt advantage of a venue’s hospitality should be canned and honestly, if you see this type of behavior you might want to ask them to leave before the gig is over.

–Finally, when the gig is over pay the sub, thank them (if they did a good job) and send them on their way. The sub might be an amiable chap but there’s no room for stage 5 clingers. You have no real idea who this person is away from their instrument. As a note of caution for all relationships, take time to find out who people are before befriending them. After working with a familiar sub you have the option of moving down the road of friendship.

Now, for the other side of the trade, here’s how to handle the ask as a potential sub hire:

–Again, ask questions. What do you need to know about the gig to warrant the wage?

–Make sure the band has their material packaged together cleanly and it is easy to digest. For most of us this means GOOD CHARTS, if they are necessary and/or not readily available (i.e. in a Real Book or downloadable on-line). Watch out for bands that want you to learn 87 songs for a 2 hour gig. I’ve seen it all over the years (and generally try to make things work) but let’s be honest here–NOBODY wants to spend any extra time learning a bunch of bullshit material you may never play again. If the band doesn’t have their shit together in how they convey their material to you, AVOID THE GIG.

–Be professional! Be timely in your responses to questions. Convey a good attitude; one where you are looking to be hired again if things go well. DO NOT wander off the reservation trying to be funny or adding in extra information (about yourself or anything else) that doesn’t pertain to the gig. The band leader doesn’t care and often, humor can be misinterpreted. Always try to be respectful of a person that is going to be putting money into your hands for doing what you love to do.

–Have your audio/video samples and references ready on demand. Make sure they are easy to view and do not send your entire catalogue. Pick 3 samples that best represent you and your performance capabilities.

–Pay attention to how a band leader treats you. Often the disrespect can come the other way and some band leaders are just assholes. You get to decide if the wage is worth it to do it again, but imo some people just don’t get it with regard to successfully working with other people and/or creating a “team”. If the guy hiring you is giving you attitude from the get go, just avoid the gig.

–Do your homework. Don’t come to the gig unprepared–know the material and be ready to kill it. This could end up being an audition for a much larger role.

–SHOW UP ON TIME. Don’t be an idiot or Pre-madonna. You’re not famous, no one knows you and no one cares. You’re being hired for ONE gig for now. Put in your best effort and don’t fuck up the little stuff that is the easiest to do, like showing up on time.

–Be respectful of the venue, their patrons and the other band mates. No one likes to deal with an asshole, so do your best not to act like one.

–After the gig, ask to be paid, follow up with a “thank you” to the band leader and head out! No reason to linger. The weirdness works both ways; don’t stay any longer than you have to. You may realize that the band leader himself is the stage 5 clinger! There is plenty of time in the future (potentially) to work on the “friendship” if there is one to be had.

Overall, keep one word in mind on both sides of the coin: RESPECT. Have respect for your fellow musicians (and anyone else for that matter). Treat them with respect. Be kind. Don’t give off attitude or pretentiousness because you’re full of yourself. BE HUMBLE. While I can’t say the all of the best musicians exhibit these qualities, many of the greats do and this is the reason they are so well liked and asked back. No one likes an asshole, so don’t be one!

Easy peasy right? It should be. All you have to do is pay attention and treat others like you would like to be treated. Trust me, you will go much farther in this business than the people who don’t.